Pushing From the Nest

Lately, I've been concentrating on, at least in part, staying out of my sons' lives! While living with me into their late teens/early twenties, they accomplished little; Partying, sleeping, a little work, partying, sleeping, spend some money, etc. Although 'tough love' had been attempted many times, their father and I had not yet fully stuck to our guns. Finally the opportunity came and out they went! Got an apartment together, both found jobs; however, neither had transportation other than bike and feet, no savings and no real idea about the 'world'. No problem, though. They understood that the door/phone was open to any questions, advice, listening that was needed.

A few weeks have passed. All the walking/biking to work, working late, sleeping, curtailed social life, budgeting are starting to sink in now. Tonight I took them out for pizza! The older and more emotionally fragile of the two was so down, seemed to have lost hope. Boy, that temptation to delve into his drame, his life, was so strong. But, I'm getting pretty good at this. I tell myself, if you take care of things, he'll never learn, never gain that confidence. I also remind myself of the years he's fought depression and that he has been suicidal on several occasions. But the rational side won once again!

I take comfort in that I do know they both know I'm there for them when all else is gone. I'm proud of them for making this brave run at independence. I'm very frightened.

Life Changes

I wrote this in May of 2002. Lots of life changes going on at the time and pretty depressed. In doing so, i began pushing myself in a more positive direction.

I am loved. No matter how deeply I hurt or how isolated I feel, I truly do always know that I am loved. What a glorious thing to be able to say! Especially given that my heart is pounding, my eyes yearn to spill tears yet again, I feel a slight tremor all over. I am so...so lost. Kind of like there's an invisible film between you and everybody else, especially those that love you. Envision a clear sphere floating in a blue sky with me inside. All around are those that love me, friends and coworkers who respect me, but I can't really hear them; I just sit in the sphere, womb perhaps, observing life, people.

So just what is this wall made of? Why was it put there? How do I get the walls of the sphere to disintegrate? I am so sure that, like a hatching bird, with one break in the walls' integrity I could be unstoppable with time. But for now, I believe the sphere is winning the battle. I can't break any habits to crack just a smidgen in the damn thing. Why? What's the deal?

And so on we go....

2005 NCAA Championship!

Congratulations to Roy Williams & the UNC Tarheels!!

Government & the Individual

Why can’t the government run the way I envision? With true leadership. Doing what’s right, not what is going to enable reelection or proper status. Large money-laden lobbying groups, PACs, religious organizations, etc. certainly get their desires on the desks of our elected officials. Why can't I? Or, why can't we who are likely the majority, but are not being heard over the yelps of special interests.

Don't misunderstand. I live on the left side of the political/social/economic continuum. But it just seems that few have the "greater good" of the whole in mind. I believe that if every eligible voter would relish the responsibility and the opportunity to vote, our one easy way to express ourselves to the government, so much would be different. But, alas, many of us waste that opportunity saying "my vote will not matter".

I suggest we all give it a try. 100% voter turnout next election and let's just see what happens! Each individual voter exhibiting true community values, doing what’s right, not what is best for one.