Lately, I've been concentrating on, at least in part, staying out of my sons' lives! While living with me into their late teens/early twenties, they accomplished little; Partying, sleeping, a little work, partying, sleeping, spend some money, etc. Although 'tough love' had been attempted many times, their father and I had not yet fully stuck to our guns. Finally the opportunity came and out they went! Got an apartment together, both found jobs; however, neither had transportation other than bike and feet, no savings and no real idea about the 'world'. No problem, though. They understood that the door/phone was open to any questions, advice, listening that was needed.
A few weeks have passed. All the walking/biking to work, working late, sleeping, curtailed social life, budgeting are starting to sink in now. Tonight I took them out for pizza! The older and more emotionally fragile of the two was so down, seemed to have lost hope. Boy, that temptation to delve into his drame, his life, was so strong. But, I'm getting pretty good at this. I tell myself, if you take care of things, he'll never learn, never gain that confidence. I also remind myself of the years he's fought depression and that he has been suicidal on several occasions. But the rational side won once again!
I take comfort in that I do know they both know I'm there for them when all else is gone. I'm proud of them for making this brave run at independence. I'm very frightened.
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